One “prick” left.

Tags

breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, Chemotherapy, doctor, herceptin, intravenous, needle, testing

WHAT?!?  …Needle prick that is.

Today marked my 17th out of 18 Herceptin sessions that I am required to have. The last one will be December 23rd. Now that sure is a great Christmas present!!

Hard to believe that my hospital visits are almost over. As much as I will miss the kind man (Rab) and women (too many names to mention) at the NYGH Chemo Clinic, I’m so happy to be almost done. I’m so tired of needles, tests and drugs. I still have 4.5 years of Tamoxifen to take (but a pill a day, I can handle).

Just as I’m finishing my journey, two new friends and lovely ladies are starting theirs. To Anne and Lindsay – I wish you a healthy & speedy journey. Please know that I am here for both of you, with whatever you need.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again…

Cancer does not define me, but strangely enough it was a blessing.
It’s made me stronger than I ever thought I could be.
It’s made me love more than I thought I could.
It’s made me grateful for every day and every moment.
It’s made me appreciate the little things in life.
It’s made me be fearless.

Just like Caitlin Feeley’s Mountain Lion analogy – I climbed the mountain.
I never wanted to climb it in the first place, but I did.
Now what you ask? Well…the possibilities are endless.

Where did this last year go?

Tags

breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, fundraiser, herceptin, thank you, theatre

I met a wonderful woman on Thursday, named Shirley, who has inspired and encouraged me to continue to write my blog.
I was at the NYGH Chemo Clinic getting my 15th out of 18 Herceptin treatments (last one is Dec 11th) when a lovely couple approached me and asked if my name was “Jenn”.
Shirley went on to say…“You don’t know me, but I know who you are because when researching our Oncologist, Dr. Robson, I found your blog. I recognized you from your pictures and was pretty sure it was you, so I wanted to say hello and thank you, because your blog really helped me. It made me realize that I can get through this.  Your attitude and your positive words made me feel better and inspired me. My whole family has read your blog. You are a bit of a celebrity in our community.”

Well I don’t know about “celebrity”, but I do know that her words couldn’t have brought me more joy (and a few tears). She and every other woman out there going through this doesn’t know where to start, what questions to ask, how to feel, what to say… it’s all just so damn hard. We all wish that someone could take us by the hand and guide us along until we are well again.
It was (and still is) my hope that anyone who reads my blog, can get at least one question answered, maybe a smile or better yet a laugh.

It’s terrible that I’ve let 10 months slide by without a word here. I guess I got busy getting back to my life. So here’s what’s happened:
January – Chemo ended and so did my job. After 6 years of working for RR Donnelley, they decided to shut down the Photo Studio I ran when our major client Target Canada went bankrupt. So not only was I on disability for Cancer treatment, but I was now out of a job. I will miss our Studio and my staff – wonderful people – all of them.

February – I did they only thing I could do….I took a much needed rest by going to Hawaii for almost 3 weeks. Yes I know, but trust me, if you had the opportunity, you would have too. That opportunity was given to us by our good friends Mark & Kendra as a get well gift. (Much love to them both – as they will never know how much I needed it and appreciated it).

March – I spent receiving radiation every day (25 sessions).

April – Was a month of healing. Lots of yoga, as I was having horrible joint pain everywhere and I started Tamoxifen (which I will be taking for 5 years). Not thrilled with having to take this pill for 5 years, as it causes leg cramps, hot flashes and irritability. I also had my 3-month Echocardiogram (because the Herceptin can make my heart toxic), but good news – it’s ok!

May – It came quickly and so did my hair growing back (grey, curly and thick – was not prepared for this). I dyed it blonde… and BOOM! All of sudden I’m auditioning again, getting new head shots done and I’m taking classes with The Incubator Studio.

June – shot a t.v. show – Forbidden: Dying for Love. Thanks to my wonderful agent Lina Scuralli for getting me back in the game!
Also, thanks to my good friend Amy, I’ve summoned my courage and decided to try theatre for the first time in many many years (see below for info on production, dates and tickets).
AND….I got the best news ever – a clear mammogram – no more cancer! YES!!

July – shot another t.v. show – Motives & Murders, and a pilot “Party Time” for The Incubator Studio.

August – tons of auditions and call backs and shot a a web series teaser “The Alternative“. Lots of family time, visiting cousins, nieces and nephews!
Had another 3-month Echocardiogram (because of the Herceptin). All good.

September – meet our new theatre director and start planning a fundraiser and dates for play. More family visits.
Family additions – After about 10 years, Jason and I decided to be parents again to two “fur babies” and have added Morrison and Hendrix to our family. Our boys are crazy kitties and we love them dearly.

October – I can’t believe summer has gone. I continue to receive my Herceptin every 3 weeks at NYGH.
This Thursday October 15th we are having a fundraiser for our play and 10% of all proceeds from the fundraiser and ticket sales go to the Canadian Cancer Society and Kensington Hospice. There will be live music, comedy, a silent auction and lots of prizes to be won!! Don’t miss it!

Friends With Benefits – Doors open at 8pm.

November 24th – 29th…
Please join us at the Aztec theatre for “5 Women Wearing the Same Dress” from the creator of the hit TV series True Blood, Six Feet under and Oscar Award winning feature film American Beauty, a play written by Alan Ball. A hilarious comedy set in the bride’s old bedroom in her family estate in 1990 Knoxville, Tennessee, where the five bridesmaids all find refuge. As the afternoon wears on, these five very different women joyously discover a common bond in this wickedly funny, irreverent and touching celebration of the women’s spirit.
Go to Brown Paper Tickets Now to reserve your spot!!

So a BIG THANK YOU to my new friends Shirley and Alan, because after speaking with them I realized a few of things:
1) Words are powerful and they can help others heal.
2) Words are powerful and they can help me heal.
3) I’ve missed writing, so the blog will carry on … and maybe just maybe …I might write a book about all this.

Hard to believe that one year ago I had just started Chemo… and here I am now, Cancer free – yet living my life with much more purpose and joy

All my love, appreciation and hugs to all my family, friends, doctors, nurses, hospital staff and firefighters who helped me make it through this last year. xo

Chemo No Mo!

Tags

breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, celebration, Chemotherapy, family support, herceptin, intravenous, needle, Radiation

YA BABY – NO MORE CHEMO! 
Today was the last day for the toxic waste! Just need to get through the next couple weeks of side effects and the rest will be a cake walk.
I’ll have February off to rest and recuperate, then I will most likely have radiation therapy every day (M-F) for the month of March and possibly into April. I have not met my Radiologist yet. So once I do, I will know a lot more.

Although the Chemo is done, I will still be coming to NYGH every 3 weeks for IV treatment of Herceptin for the next year. So this journey still continues.

But today was wonderful …other than the IV glitch – 1st vein didn’t cooperate so we had to move to another. Bit of an “ouch” but gone in minutes.
The day was made great by the awesome company. Sabby, Jay and Joyce came to stay with me and I shared the day with my new friend Linda, her husband Jeremy and their beautiful daughter Ari. Today was also Linda’s Last Chemo as well. We also were fortunate to meet new friends as well that are also 1 session away from finishing.

The celebration included delicious bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon (thank you Linda), Lime Meringue Pie (thank you Sabby), No More Chemo Cake (thank you Joyce) and I brought organic veggies and dip. The Chemo Clinic gave us a “Last Chemo Cocktail” which was fizzy cranberry juice, sang us a song and RANG the BELL!
Gotta tell ya – felt pretty damn good but I wish we had “more cowbell“…lol

Also want to thank the North York General Chemo Clinic for the amazing nurses and staff. I can’t say enough good things about the people that work here. Caring, thoughtful, helpful, fun and positive people. It means a lot when you don’t want to be there.

Lastly and as always, thank you to my mom, Jason and Joyce who have nursed me through the bad times and have stayed and taken such good care of me.
Thank you to all of my family, friends, acquaintances and people I’ve never met but all of whom who have reached out to lift me up and show me love.
Thank you for helping me get through the toughest part – my love to you all. xo

 

25 Tips for a Better Life – 2015

Tags

2015, breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, Chemotherapy, Enjoy the ride, family support, let go, Life is a rollercoaster, positivity, reflection, survivor

As I ponder and reflect back on 2014 I cannot say that it was the worst year of my life.

WHAT?!? Jenn, are you crazy? You were diagnosed with Cancer and went through Chemo! How could this NOT be the worst year of your life?!?

Honestly, it wasn’t. I have had other years that were more painful than 2014.
They were emotionally stressful and took a toll on me greater than I knew.
But I got through those years, just as I got through 2014.
The last half of 2014 was about fighting and strength and overcoming.
It was about making “chicken salad” out of “chicken shit”.

I feel that 2015 will be wonderful. A year of celebration and positive reflection.
Besides, life would be boring if it was perfect everyday.
Life is a roller coaster…here is a scene from “Parenthood” (one of my favourite movies) that sums up how I feel about life and the last year…

Many would think that I would be disillusioned, angry, resentful… but I’m not.
A neighbour of mine said she looked at her cancer as a gift.
“A gift?!?!” – what the BLEEP?
Well I didn’t agree at the time, but I do now… and I understand what she meant. Going through this life experience teaches you to slow down, not take anything for granted, rest and reevaluate. You have a new appreciation for life and everything in it. So yes, that is a gift. Hopefully I can keep this feeling and understanding for the rest of my life.

With that being said (and just one week away from my final Chemo treatment – YAY!!)… here is a list I borrowed from 2008… it may be 7 years old (and has had some tweaks, cuts and revisions) but it still holds true and is just as important now.

25 Tips for a Better Life – 2015

1. Take a 20-60 minute walk every day. And while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Make time to practice meditation.
3. When you wake up in the morning, complete the following statement, ‘My purpose is to __________ today.’
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2014.
6. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 10.
7. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
8. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts. Eat local. Eat organic. Join CSA.
9. Clear clutter from your house, your car, and your desk, and let new and flowing energy into your life.
10. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
11. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.
12. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
13. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
14. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’
17. What other people think of you is none of your business.
18. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family and your friends will. Stay in touch. (This I know too well.)
19. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful. Purge, purge, purge.
20. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
21. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________ Today I accomplished _________.
22. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life, so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
23. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should and let go of what you can’t change.
24. Call your family and friends often, tell them you love them and mean it.
25. Know that the best is yet to come…

Angels & Demons

Tags

anger, cancer, cancer patient, car accident, Chemotherapy, doctor, fast driver, good samaritan, herceptin, Taxotere

Christmas Eve was interesting to say the least…thus my latest instalment – Angels & Demons (and no I’m not referring to the book by Dan Brown or the movie by Ron Howard). I wish I were – because they were far more enjoyable.

Chemo #5 occurred Christmas Eve morning. I was all heated and hooked up by 10:15am for the Saline (30 mins) then on to the Herceptin (30 mins). Lastly I got the hand ice bags for the Taxotere (to hopefully save my nails) by 11:45 (60 mins) then more saline.
All done by 1:00pm. No incidents. No allergic reactions. Feeling good!
So I decide that because I’m so good, I let the hubby leave early, to pick up his mom and all the stuff for Christmas, and I can drive my own car. Sounds like a plan.
I even went to the LCBO to pick up some last minute wine – how awesome – could I be doing any better? – I don’t think so!! – JINX JINX JINX

The Demon – It seems that as good as I was doing, someone else was NOT having a good day, and he decided that I was not driving fast enough up the Bayview onramp to the 401. This onramp is only one lane and a shoulder (and it was raining). This “Justin Beiber” idiot look alike zoomed up behind me, pulled into the should lane and then forced me off the road into the ditch. Thank goodness I was going slow – or I could have ended up in oncoming traffic. He saw what he did and didn’t bother to stop. How careless and cold hearted does someone get, where the safety of others is sacrificed so they may drive fast (probably because they are late and obviously irresponsible)? I know it was Christmas Eve… but all the more reason to slow it down.

The Angels – After a couple attempts to get out of the VERY muddy ditch, I realized that my front wheels were stuck and I needed help. And HELP I got.
Within the next 10 minutes, 3 kind men and one lovely lady police officer stopped to help me out. They rocked my car back and forth and had me backed out of the mud in a couple minutes. The police woman stopped traffic and I drove to the shoulder for safety. No damage to the car (lots of mud only) and no damage to me.
No one would accept payment or wine…lol.
All they wanted was for me to go home and enjoy my Christmas.
I thanked them all profusely – even told the Police Lady I loved her and I meant it.

God bless the kindness of strangers.
I intend to pay it forward.

Merry Chemo Christmas…

Tags

breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, Chemotherapy, emergency, FEC chemo therapy, HER2, herceptin, hospital visit, intravenous

My apologies that I have taken so long to post an update…
It’s been a roller coaster ride and all I can say is thanks to my husband, mom and mother in law for all their help and support these last 2 months. xo

FYI – recap on my Chemotherapy:
Round one of FEC (5-fluorouracil, epidoxorubicin and cyclophosphamide) – 4 trips to the hospital/Emergency for pain (determined it was from the Neulasta shot which I am no longer getting).
Round two of FEC – 1 trip to NYGH and admitted for high fever (ruled as a “Chemo Fever”).
Round three of FEC – 1 trip to NYGH and admitted for extremely high fever – treated for Pneumonia. More drugs, antibiotics and Ativan to help me sleep.
Round four of D+H (Taxotere + Herceptin) on December 3rd & 4th, went better than expected. (YAY!)

My oncologist Dr. Danny Robson (who’s awesome btw) was very concerned, that with all that I’d been through, that this new drug (for rounds 4 through 6) would be even worse than the first 3 rounds. So much so, he decided he would only give me 75% of the dosage, as the side effects of Taxotere for some can be awful:
Low white blood cell count (this can increase your risk for infection)
Low red blood cell count (anemia)
Peripheral neuropathy (numbness in your fingers and toes) may occur with repeated doses.
Nausea
Diarrhea
Mouth sores
Hair loss
Fatigue and weakness
Infection
Nail changes (color changes to your fingernails or toenails may occur while taking Taxotere. In extreme, but rare, cases nails may fall off. After you have finished Taxotere treatments, your nails will generally grow back.)
Vomiting
Muscle/bone/joint pain (myalgias and arthralgias)
Low platelet count (This can increase your risk of bleeding).

FUN STUFF, EH?
I have experienced most of that list but somehow I get through the day and move on.
It’s possible that with Round 5 & 6 all of those side effects could increase (but I remain hopeful that they won’t).

So my next round is Christmas Eve. Yes I know…. pretty sucky.
But at least I got to celebrate my family Christmas in November.
I hope to be feeling well enough to enjoy Christmas dinner at our house (husband is cooking) with my in-laws and possibly Christmas Day at Deanna’s!!
Keeping my fingers crossed that I’m well and that nobody minds that I’m wearing a mask! LOL

So MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

Have a wonderful holiday and hug your family tight this year
… and as always…tell them you love them… and mean it.

all my love to all of you….xo

New attitude

Tags

anger, attitude, breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, Chemotherapy, family support, FEC chemo therapy, hate, love, needles, overcome, overwhelmed, scared, upset

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted how I’m doing with treatment…and that’s because it hasn’t been going so great and I didn’t want anyone to worry.

Truth is …I’ve been angry. Very angry.
Angry for having Cancer. Angry for having to go through treatment. Angry the treatment has so many side effects. Angry that I have received many of those side effects. Angry that I’m in pain. Angry that I was admitted to hospital.
Angry that I have to have Chemo and can’t do this naturally. Angry that no one has an answer as to what works and what doesn’t. Angry that with all the research money provided we still don’t have a cure. Angry that so many friends and family are living with or have died from this disease.

But mostly I’m angry that I’m angry… because that’s not my personality and that’s not the person I want to be through all of this.

This last week I was fortunate enough to spend 3 nights/4days at Grail Springs Retreat Centre for Wellbeing, with my mom. Here I met some wonderful women, had some amazing treatments, had some important discussions and was reminded of one very important thing…

“You’ve got only one life to live.
You can either make it chicken shit or chicken salad.”

Funny… how could I forget my own mantra?! I guess when you are sick and tired and feel like a pin cushion, it’s really easy to start feeling sorry for yourself.
But I have choice… I always have a choice in any circumstance. So after some lengthy teary eyed discussions with my new friends Nicole and Tasha and a lengthier discussion with my mom… I’ve changed my attitude.

I no longer hate anything. Because hating this process doesn’t serve me. I will continue with the Chemo knowing and believing that it is the best thing for me right now to ensure that the Cancer doesn’t come back. I will also do everything I can naturally to help boost my immune system and put back all the good stuff my body needs. I feel if I stop resisting and go with the flow, this process will be easier.

My next Chemotherapy treatment is this Tuesday (October 28th) and it is the last of the FEC treatments and means I’m half way through!! Just 3 more after that.
The goal is to get through this next treatment with no trips to the hospital and I know I can do it! I CAN DO THIS!

I’m going to turn the “hate” into LOVE.
I love that I’m still standing. I love that even when I’m at my lowest, I get back up. I love that I haven’t lost my sense of humour. I love that I have such amazing support from my family and friends. I love that I can turn to a great group of new friends who are battling this disease with me (and ask them questions when I need help). I love that my family makes me delicious food when I’m sick and can’t do it myself. I love that my husband still tells me I’m beautiful (even with a bald head and a severe rash on my face).

Lastly and as always… I LOVE all of your continued support, notes, emails, texts, FB messages, gifts and food donations. I love the love that you continue to send and show me. It truly is what keeps me going on those dark days.

I love each and every one of you – and I mean it. xo

Incredible support during Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

Tags

breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, charity, CIBC Run for the Cure, family support, hair loss, love, overwhelmed

I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all who attended, donated and supported Jason and I this month for the “Dare To Go Bare” event and the “CIBC Run for the Cure”.

DARE TO GO BARE:
On Friday October 3rd, Zlatko Cevapovic from NEO Hair Design shaved the heads of 7 Firefighters in support of Jason and myself. Firefighters around the City are also wearing pink T-shirts to support Breast Cancer Awareness this month.

For full video details of the event, click here.
For the Toronto Sun article, click here.

CIBC RUN FOR THE CURE:
On Sunday October 5th, we had another incredible success!! Jenni B’s Gang was 65 members strong and we raised $18,501.00 for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation.


I was honoured to be the guest speaker at the Toronto Zoo location, and our team won the “Determination (Top Fundraising) Award” and the “Friends and Family Team Challenge Award”. I couldn’t be prouder.

Thank you to everyone for your tremendous fundraising efforts, the results of which will allow the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation to continue investing in innovative breast cancer research – research that is lowering the incidence and mortality rates of breast cancer, and supporting those affected by the disease.
To learn more about the research they invest in with the dollars you have raised, I invite you to take a look at their 2014 Report to the Community http://2014oncommunityreport.com/.

Thank you so much to all who donated and attended!! xo

Firefighters DARE to be BARE!!

Tags

breast cancer, cancer, charity, family support, firefighters, good cause

Teaser alert… I’m off to station 314 to participate in… are you ready?!?
FIREFIGHTERS DARE TO BE BARE!!

Yes I said it… and OH, it’s happening!!
(ok – so they’re NOT actually going to strip…but something is coming off!!)
It’s for charity and the media will be there…stay tuned for details!
 Have I mentioned I love firefighters?!?

Very tough week…

Tags

breast cancer, cancer, cancer patient, Chemotherapy, doctor, emergency, family support, FEC chemo therapy, hospital visit, Neulasta, overwhelmed, pain, scared, spasms, stomach pain

Hey there friends…
This won’t be one of my more chipper, up-beat posts.
This is unfortunately the reality of Chemo and meds and my first week which hasn’t gone well.
I don’t want to sadden or depress anyone – but this is my reality for right now.
I’ve lost 10 pounds in one week.
Tuesday was a 911 trip to the hospital for chest pain, stomach pain and shortness of breath.
The rest of the week has been muscle aches, head ache, not being able to eat without pain and spasms and a lot of bed rest.
Today is the first day since Monday that I feel somewhat alert and I’m off to the doctor later to see about my stomach issues (which are troubling as I can’t take a full breath without stabbing pains).
It’s all pretty depressing, especially when I think that I’m just starting and I have 5 more rounds of this to go.
Nobody said this was going to be easy…I’m going to need every ounce of strength to get through this.
I think really that’s why I’m writing this – to say thank you, for all your love, prayers, notes, gifts and words of encouragement – it means more than you know.

Jenn xo